Friday, February 16, 2007

A book's pages...

...should have a pre-determined, standard thickness.

This is not an issue that can be shoved away at a moment's notice. Pages are what make up a book (a trite observation, but wait a moment),and if no one pays any attention to them, the people at large will stop reading books in the dystopian future I foresee.

For example, thick pages lend the book a false illusion of girth. Readers who look primarily for girth during purchase (of a book) will be inspired to new heights of cynicism; ah, they will think, what a cheap way of making a book look bigger than it really is. They will become wary and suspicious, and tend not to trust publishers (and hence the authors under their wing) who choose to descend to such murky depths of deception.

On the other hand, thin pages are subject to being torn in a moment of emotion: when our protagonist has just confronted his direst enemy; when he is being castrated by wild Rottweilers; when he is about to meet David Furnish. The torn page is an all too frequent casualty of frenzied reading, as any bookworm will testify.

The answer lies in standardization. Publishers should conduct experiments where they pay people to read. These experiments will teach them the "correct" value of the thickness of a page. In the meantime they can also feed and shelter the experimentees, who can do little else but read, read, and read some more.

People such as myself.

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